Slap

I sat down to write a bit about sleep, how it has eluded me tonight. Well, truthfully I was already sitting, I just shifted as I opened this page to write. The title was Sleep, which I have obviously changed some vowels in, and now we have slap.

There are times where I will sit and browse TikTok long enough to get a couple “You’ve been scrolling too long” clips. Otherwise my feed is often full of random nature facts and tips (many things are edible!), terrible mashups of trending sounds, Dylan Hollis, too many videos pointing out things that may present as ADHD but are also comorbid in other neurological issues, and fairly queer things. One thing that has stuck around for weeks has been the sound clip from this video, as Oh No, Our Table, It’s Broken has been combined with a great deal of other sounds or clips to keep it fresh. I largely prefer this over the Berries and Cream hell that came prior, and especially over the…uh…thing before that.

As I shifted I felt the chair move from me in a way it should not. Try to correct, but it is happening, and it slides out and drops me backward. Given its wide foot spacing, this is highly improbable, but has happened a couple times. I suspect that it has something to do with two of the five wheels being moved into position just so at the back, allowing the fall to begin. What I land on depends on what is behind me, and recently there has been a 15lb dumbbell that I ignore and a large aquarium ornament dragon I intended on repainting — my search is turning up useless or I would link an image of the dragon in question. The dragon is between me and the dumbbell, and was perhaps a saving grace as I landed on an oversized piece of resin instead of fucking metal. Of course, this still hurt immensely and I laid in the fetal position with my hands on my head, accepting the hurt and assessing the damage as the chair lay pointlessly on the floor spooning me. For a moment, that was existence.

Then I said, aloud, “That could have been worse,” and realized the dragon’s scales were holding my shirt. I asked for him to let me go, please, and sat up. It was at this point that I realized how close I was to making contact with the dumbbell.

I picked myself and the chair up, and found contact with my toes — a piece of plastic from the dragon. After sitting for a minute and contemplating, I picked up the dragon to see that, Oh no, My Dragon, It’s Broken, given it rather be the dragon than my skull. I can fix the dragon, no amount of piecing casts together and blending them with epoxy is beyond me, but I cannot do the same for my noggin.

Had to refresh myself on the major portions of bone that compose our skull for this one, the impact was on the occipital bone about an inch away from my spine. A worrisome spot for sure, but currently it is just bruising with a little welt to show the exact location of impact. Monitoring of the spot and any other new conditions will happen, of course, but honestly what is a little extra brain damage on top of the massive amount of concussions I had as a child? If going to the doctor and probably the hospital wouldn’t double my debt, I’d have made an appointment already. So we sit and wait and see if I die or if things are generally fine.

Maybe I can get back to sleep at some point too.